Sound Advice for Marriage/Conflict

Tim Keller, in an excellent seminar with his wife Kathy on marriage said this, which I thought was applicable not only to marriage, but whenever someone comes to you with a complaint:

Your first response ought to be “I didn’t realize that. I didn’t understand that. Please tell me more.” It’s probably more important to communicate love than it is to communicate content. And very often when a person comes to you and says “I’ve got a problem…” …at least this very often happens—you start to say, “Well, here’s the reason for that…” and you start to explain. Never answer a feeling with a fact. Never answer a feeling with a fact. Answer a feeling with a feeling. And very often when a person comes and is complaining, they really aren’t that interested in the content, they’re looking for love. And that’s where you have to learn to communicate love in a way that the person understands.